how to go about this - fiance was fired from work by my (our) friends - invite to wedding?
hi all~ there are 3 issues here; first the background -
i’m the fiancee of a great guy and one of my best friends and her husband hired him in mid-2009 to work in their small biz shop. (My fiance also counted them as his friends; he has his own history with them. They’ve been friends with me 8 years, with some time off cause we were living in different states; a little less for him.)
They spoke to us that my fiance could really be the guy for the long-term, they want to groom him, and well, my fiance was excited. The nature of what they sell is *very* specific and you might say a little controversial and I personally have literally not met anyone in my major metropolitan area who would a) have that specific knowledge or b) truly care as much as my fiance did about his work and my friends’ business. My fiance created a product that went viral soon after it was placed for sale — it received coverage in a major newspaper. My fiance’s freaking smart. 
well - first time they let my fiance go because their small biz was broke - they literally showed us the bank account statements - and they couldn’t afford to pay him. Fine. A week or so later they apparently realized their mistake and hired him back. He had extreme loyalty to them, and they had hired him to replace TWO employees. Well, as weeks progressed and my friends the business owners still hadn’t set systems in place for organization and work process, my fiance began to hear his boss tell him to work more quickly, multi-task more, take less time on quality. My fiance did the best he could and tried to be understanding. Long story short the male biz owner called my fiance on a Sunday night right after he had put in a half day of work on the weekend to say, sorry, too slow, things are still too backed up, we need someone in here who can do everything faster, you’re out of a job.
My fiance was BLINDSIDED. He was in *grief*. Actual literal grief. My heart ached for him, and I felt foolish for being so optimistic in the first place. My fiance, by all my observations ( i’m aware i have a bias ) was the very best and most *trustworthy* person they’ll hope to find. I fully respect that a business owner can run his/her business as he sees fit. My thing is, I feel there was so much missing in terms of communication, smarts and basic respect from them while he was on the job… I saw sides of them I’d never seen before, and I was disappointed.
issue A) - my own personal problems with my female friend the biz owner; I feel ignored and cast aside. One month before they fired him, my female friend had been very difficult to get responses from via phone or email, not responding to messages, if we would run into each other afterwards, I always heard the refrain of "sorry I’ve been busy". Usually I would have to place calls to her just to be social. One time when she and I were face to face at the shop I invited her to lunch, she said yeah, definitely, we’ll do lunch next week. I said great… but no follow up from her, nothing. I understand busy-ness. I work full time and got lots going on and keep a busy schedule too.
It was at this time my fiance got me my beautiful custom made engagement ring and we formally announced our engagement. Messages and calls poured in for best wishes and congrats — again, I heard *nothing* from my female friend! She hadn’t seen the ring and expressed no interest in seeing it. I was and continue to be ASTONISHED at this. …But a week or so after her husband FIRED my fiance, she left a message to call her — she wanted to know if we were coming to her Halloween party, apparently as her ‘no hard feelings’ gesture. I could only laugh. Here we were, newly engaged, planning a wedding, with one of us suddenly out of a job, money tight as hell, newly moved into a new apartment — and she’s concerned about if we will grace her goddamned party. Well suffice to say, she got nothing from us. My fiance had been curious if her husband would even call just as a follow-up, or to see if he found a couple cds of his - nothing from him. Meanwhile, I wanted to see what she would be motivated to do in November. No follow up calls, no emails did I receive from her either.
issue B) - is my fiance’s grief/disappointment and lack of respect for our friend the male business owner. Last time we discussed it, my fiance did not want anything to do with them, and him especially. However, the other day my fiance did say that he did not want to hold a grudge against them.
NOW… our WEDDING is coming up- and we have-
issue C) - is I want to respect my fiance and create the best day for him, as he is for me. He has not yet suggested we be in talks with them or invite them to the wedding. I *could* feel good about inviting them, but in my opinion my female friend would have to get right with me first and stop being such a deadbeat friend (it’s always "call me!"). I feel like I’ve made too many overtures that were spurned, and that s
(continued) that she just plain didn’t care about what was going on in my life. Yet we heard through the grapevine that they were worried and upset that we weren’t at their party.
This sucks. We’re in a limbo, no one wants to make a move first, and I’m seriously thinking of enlisting the assistance of a third party — a mutual friend to all four of us. As it stands right now, I’m going to be sad if they wouldn’t be there at the wedding, and sad if they would be there at the wedding without a full airing out of the situation and grievances.
Ideas, plans, admonishments, praise, criticism? Let me know! Thanks.
** p.s. - he and I met, by and large, through this couple. 
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Tagged with: 8 years • account statements • boss • business owners • extreme loyalty • fiance • fiancee • google • hadn • half day • metropolitan area • mistake • one of my best friends • script type • text javascript • time off
Filed under: Business Phone Systems
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You can still be on friendly terms with them, BUT you don’t have to invite them to your wedding.
Time to move on. My friends bring absolute joy to my life, not stress.
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Work issues aside you tried to maintain a friendship and she blew you off every time. Yeah everyone is busy but to go so long without a call or blow off lunches you set up is here way of showing you she doesn’t want to be friends without actually having to say it. Friendships are like all relationships and they take work. Don’t waste the money on a couple of guests who don’t care about you and your Fiance.
There’s too much bad blood and lack of consideration on their part.
I would just get on with life and not invite them. As much as I can understand your man not wanting to hold a grudge, there IS a difference between holding a grudge against someone, and wanting to keep certain distance from someone.
Were I you, there is no way in heaven or on Earth that I would have them at my wedding. EVER.
*big hug* and best of luck to you both.
P.S. to Libby, below:
These ‘friends’ of the writer fired her man once … invited him back, but as the replacement of two people …then these intrepid business owners had the temerity to tell him to work faster, while doing the work of two people (plus, let’s not forget, also having him come in and work on weekends) … they had the balls to tell him to spend less time on quality in order to work faster, while doing the work of two people (and, if you would re-read the original post by the writer, the business owners during this time hadn’t put in place some of the organizational processes that would have made this job easier to do for one person … so, because of this …) they THEN had the balls to tell him that he’s too slow and he’s fired?
UNREAL ! And so WHAT if they spend 80 hours a week - that’s what they’re supposed to do AS business owners!
I’m sure that until we all own our own business, we can’t understand how the business owners in this situation feel. Having seen this small glimpse, they probably are both feeling some guilt for having treated their FRIEND this way. They should feel pretty bad. Imagine if he wasn’t a friend, and they treated just your average Joe like that … it’s still abominable.
In all sincerity, everyone should be able to put business aside for three things: The birth of a child, a death in the family, or an engagement and upcoming wedding. For her friend to not be the slightest bit interested in seeing her ring or offering her any goodwill … well, that’s all I need to know as far as where the writer stands.
YES, Libby, the writer and her man were the victim in this. Are you being obtuse on purpose?? Right now, I really could give a rats ass what their ‘friends’ are going through as business owners, because they suck at it. You don’t fire someone, then invite them back but as a replacement for two people, and then tell him to go faster and spend less time on quality … and then fire him for being too slow. That’s just … idiotic, stupid and flat out wrong!
To the writer: I stand by my original statement. Don’t have them at your wedding, and just put distance between you all. Move on, and I wish you the best of everything.
While I don’t believe that business problems should interfere with wedding invitations, it seems that these "friends" of yours have little to no desire to be involved in your lives despite the fact that your fiancee has been one of their best and most loyal employees. I don’t know what this says about your male "friend’s" business sense but it appears that they regard you more as acquaintances than as real friends. I say cut them out.
Sorry, in this day and age businesses fail. They were aware of how bad the business was the first time they let him go and it just went down hill from there. Being friends, I am sure they didn’t want you to know how bad things were for them. If you want them to be friends in the future, invite them. If he doesn’t want to socialize with them in the future, don’t invite them. If he has not found employment since being fired, don’t invite them. It would only ruin his day. If you want to be friends with her in the future, talk with her now, clear the air. Decide from that conversation if an invitation is pending. Let her know at that time your decision and why. Best of luck to you both.
Well if her business is going down the tubes she probably had all of that on her mind when you thought she was snubbing you but that being said I get the situation, you don’t HAVE to invite anyone to your wedding and if you feel they aren’t really good friends to either of you why even ask if you should invite them? If they ask tell them you’re keeping it intimate and with the economy (hint hint you just fired my fiance) you’re trying to keep costs lower.
Have you ever run a business? Oh, you haven’t? Then you have no idea how hard it is. If your fiance was putting in 40 hours, they were putting in 80. With no weekends. Believe me, your friends have MUCH more important things to focus on than asking to see your ring… like inventory and business loans an infrastructure and quarterly taxes.
Your friends made a mistake by hiring someone they knew, because when you hire someone you know, you can’t make business decisions that are just about business. They become *personal.* There is no possible way they could have let go of your fiance without him getting butthurt over it… they’ve probably learned form that mistake and will never hire a friend or a relative again.
Whether you want to continue to be friends with them is up to you. But you’re acting as if you were helpless victims who were totally screwed over by Evil Business Owners, without sparing a thought for your friends’ situation. Yeah, sucks they hit hard financial times with the business and your fiance suffered for it… but until you run your own small business and have to pull a miracle out of out a** to keep from going bankrupt, don’t presume that you know what it’s like for them.