i need some advice about my lying boyfriend…?
Hi, I’m new to this, but i am going around in ircles wondering what to do.
I am 24, I have two children who are 5 and 2, they are not my partner’s. i have been with my partner who is 22 for just over a year now(ive known him for 6), and the last year has been very stressful because we have had to move house so many times and had no money. But we have got through it and he loves the kids and vice versa.
he is a sound engineer and I am a session singer and also in a band as the lead singer that he works for. He also works in a theatre doing other shows.
A couple of months ago, he engineered a telent show and this girl was singing in it. By the look of things, they got on really well.
I has in hospital the previous two weeks before this and I’d had an operation so i wasn’t really in the mood to get intimate( i feel i should point this out). I noticed that she has added him to her facebook, and I mentioned to him that she works fast. Was she a good singer? He said No she was rubbish, nothing more than a seazy pub singer. I thought nothing of this until a couple of weeks later when i found a text from her on his phone, there were kisses on the end of it and she called him hun and said sorry i culdnt meet you last night.
I confronted him and asked how she got his number and he told me someone had put her in touch with him because she was thinking of buying a PA system. I told him i didnt like the way she spoke and would he just delete her number and tell her to stop flirting? he replied yes.
I forgot about this until a couple of weeks ago when i was using his phone and he said out of the blue, "if u have been through my phone numbers you will find ive saved al’s 2nd number(al is a mate from work), its his business mobile". i though hmm strange. then last week i saw the texts from this "al", and well i this guy definately doesnt put xxx and call him hunni, so i started getting really suspiciouse that he’d saved this girls number under "al".
The other day he’d left himself signed onto facebook(he’d changed his password a month or so ago), so i sneakily checked his messages.
There I found 19 messages, with my boyfriend telling her she’s so talented, would she sing in the band, calling her sexy, and would she meet up with him. i was devaststed. he told me she was chasing after him, but it was clearly the toher way round.
I confronted him the other day about it, and he lied about her right up to the point where i said you can stop lying because i found your facebook messages. he kept texting me to say he was sorry he made a mistake ut he didnt cheat.
I’ve agreed to sort things out with him but i cant get past the lies. He tells me he lied because he knew straightaway i didnt like her, bt he knows im not usually the jealous type, ive always let him have female friends, and have no prob with him engineering female singers.
I don’t know what to do. Every time i look at him i cant stop thinking about how he lied, and how he didnt think of me or the kids when he was texting her and messaging her. he’s deleted her number now and i’ve text her telling her to back off but what if this happens again?
Does anyone have any advice as to how I can dal with this problem? I have a weekend without the children this week so it’s my chance to get my head straight. I’m already very badly depressed, and it’s starting to send me over the edge. I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning, and I feel so ugly and crap. Why did my fella feel the need to go behind my back when i’ve completely trusted him for the last year, and worshipped the ground he walks on?
He calls me his princess, but right now I don’t feel like one. i feellike a damsel in distress.
Can anyone help?
x
Filed under: Business Phone Systems
‘ive always let him have female friends’ – phwooar woman, are you his mami? Seriously though, to me, sounds like you need out of this relationship. He is having an ‘affair’ with her and you do not need any more evidence or confrontation to know this. He is attracted to her and in contact with her. Does she know that you are his girlfriend – I bet you, I BET NOT. You’re raging and acting this way since your man is not being true to you and YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT IT’S OVER. You like him, but he’s already hot for this woman. He is living with you out of convenience (as you said, you guys went blitz on money) and have dealt with that, but now, he’s needy and seeking sex. He wants his cake and to eat it too. There are PROS for living with you, but when it comes to his needs, he’s seeking elsewhere now that you haven’t been attending to him. Honestly, this may be hard to take, but this guy is NOT in love with you. He would be patient and wait until you’re back in form to have sex with you and wouldn’t be deviating. This has nothing to do with your looks or what you’ve done per se.It’s his character. Even if you were able to give him some action, he has that inner tendency towards lying and seeking sex outside. All the complements are to keep you there and to tell you what you want to hear, but in reality, he’s doing what he wants to do. I’d call it quits and reduce your anxiety. In life nothing is guaranteed, but the joy you once had with this guy lasted for that time period. It’s time now to get out when you still have some strength.
This is the case he did it he messed up now either you two move on and he works on honesty and you work on trust and discuss about having passwords and access to phones and what not until then if that helps or find a way that works for u two. If not then you may not want to stay with someone who you seriously have trust issues with. It’s been my experiance once they lie they dont stop like a sick cycle of repeated offenses leaving u wondering why didnt i ditch this loser the first time. I mean nothing we can tell you is going to fix it your the one who has to stand her ground and say screw this lying change it or im gone…or leave.
really sad for you.. but you have to accept it as bitter truth. hey you are honest at your side.. you are trying too hard to save your married life.. but now you have to take decision.. ask him directly or meet that girl.. just make him know that you are not his slave.. move on.. your happy life is waiting for you
Sadly this is what men do to decent girls like us. You need to walk away in my opinion. I was with me ex for two and a half years. I gave him everything.
A year ago I noticed some texts on his phone, I left it, then I found out he had kissed someone on a drunken night out, then I found out he had been calling sex lines, now he has confessed that he was also sneaking into strip joints.
Men who lie will go as far as they can behind your back. They are not worth your time, energy or love. I know it is difficult. I am 32, no kids and scared that I will never meet mr right and have the family I long for. You have your family, get rid of the guy and concentrate on yourself and your kids.
Good luck.
Okay,
It feels you are in a funk. However I do have some advice.
You should be able to confront him. Do it softly first like sit him on a couch and ask him like:
"(Guys name) you know that girl? I wasn’t snooping or anything, and I really trust you but are you having a realationship with that woman you met at the Bar?"
my advice is if you wanna make things work is to DE-ACTIVATE facebook …facebook and myspace have got to have cause more relationship break ups than prostitutes …and work from there !!
How does the old saying go?? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me! People make mistakes, and deserve to be forgiven given there isn’t a pattern of such behavior. Your world as you saw it has changed now, your calm waters disturbed, things aren’t going to feel the same right off. Give some time, and proper treatment from your fella and you should feel comfortable again. My best advice, ALWAYS listen your instincts: your gut, your heart, your head…they will tell you how someone else is effecting your spirit you just have to listen
Also, think about how many perfectly fine things, people, books, foods, you have lost interest in, and not because those things lacked in quality but just because that’s how you feel….maybe now’s a good time to redefine together what you need and expect from your relationship.
Best wishes
Smile, it make the world go round….and it makes you feel so darn good!